Love Language

My mind recently wrapped itself around the concept of someone expressing their love differently than mine. Emotions are a tricky subject matter and when you see and feel the world from a certain frame it is harder to comprehend the things that contradict that frame.

I found myself expecting certain things. I expected things to be expressed in a certain manner.

To show gratitude with words, love through planned actions, regret through compassionate conversations- but that is how I have been cultivated. That is how I function in this world. It is irregular for me to show gratitude with a appreciative nod, love through small hand holds, or regret through a push to move forward. My unwillingness to picture a world outside of my experiences has created confusion and tension for me over the years.

Growing up, I knew how things were handled in my household and when things were not similarly reciprocated outside of my home I took it to heart. In fact, I often mistook it for something different. I may have perceived small gestures of love for a lack of appreciation; a lack of verbal apologies as a disregard for my feelings; not proactively reaching out as a sign of indifference- and the list can go on. Of course, there have been experiences with people where I do not like the way I have been treated and that stands. I believe that no one should settle for any less than they deserve. But to lay my own types of emotional expressions on others can create confusion on both ends. It can create boundaries that cast shadows and doubts where they don't belong.

I have recently begun living with my boyfriend of five years. We know each other well, but we have had moments over the years where the way we handle and express ourselves differs greatly. I have had similar experiences with friends or family members where I have assessed their feelings towards me based on what my own reactions would be in those circumstances. But I have found that one response or way of handling things is not "normal" or necessarily "typical."

Everyone has their own love language (angry language, hurt language, caring language etc.) and it's important to be open minded to it. I realized that what I do and the way I do it should not be done in a way that requires mirrored reciprocation. I can be more in tune with others and can learn to understand that it can be found in other moments- loud or quite, bright or muted, small or mighty.